By not participating in it.
I know, I know, that sounds victim blaming. But in reality, it's the only way to stop any kind of abusive or cruel behavior. You need to remove yourself from the situation, either physically, or mentally. Do not give the abusive person access to you (again, either physically or mentally). It's only when you can do this, the negative behavior will cease.
"But Jae, doesn't that mean you're allowing the behavior to stand? By not fighting against it?"
Yes. But you can't stop it from happening. Because there is not much you can say to a racist (or other abuser) to make them stop being racist (abusive). So why fight? Why tell them they are wrong? They don't agree with you, but they DO want to piss you off. And if you fight, they win.
Today I had a group of Native American people be racist to me. I got really angry because I am so tired of racism as a whole, but also because ever since the 90's, it's been popular to be racist to white people, without anyone standing up to say it's wrong. That because my parent's generation (and prior generations) was (were) racist, that somehow my generation has to pay for it. It's frustrating and we're told "It's not actually racism because you're white and to say it is, is your white privilege". Which is utter bullshit. But then I realized, I can't change their minds. I can't change anyone's mind but my own. I can't stop them. Racism will exist in my life as long as I allow it to. But, if I stopped participating in it, it stops. If I don't make myself available to racists, it stops. Hell, if I stopped participating in the chaos of the world, it stops. I can find peace if I just stop allowing these types of people (abusive people, chaotic people, etc.) to have access to me.
So, why am I giving them access?
Peace is a choice. Nobody can give us peace. Nobody can calm our souls but us. We can choose to participate in the chaos or walk away from it. The choice has always been ours.
So, are you waiting for peace? Are you waiting for the world to find peace so you can find peace, too? Are you waiting for the universe to change before you can settle down and buy that farm you've always wanted? Well, I am here to tell you: that's not how it works.
YOU have to choose peace. Right here. Right now. In this moment. Your world will only become peaceful when you choose it. Because your world is just as much inside of you as it is outside of you (perhaps, more so).
Remember this esoteric (Hermetic) saying: as within, so without. This means that what is within you, is also outside of you. That your inner life becomes your outer life.
If you wish to not experience racism, you need to stop giving racists physical access to you (this includes social media). If you can't physically remove yourself, then remove yourself mentally. This means (and I am going to suggest something crazy here): you need to stop seeing things as racist. Instead, see the hurtful words of another person as their own ignorance, low IQ, or internalized self-hatred. Find compassion for them. No, this doesn't mean pretending their behavior is okay. This means to stop letting their words carry any weight in your life. You cannot extinguish a candle by throwing more fire on it. But you can remove the oxygen that allows it to burn (meaning, your anger...I am not saying to remove a human's oxygen). So, if you stop being angry about it, a racist cannot get a rise out of you, so they will shut up about it.
If you wish to stop experiencing abuse, you need to physically remove yourself from your abuser (leaving, calling the police, etc.) If you can't (yet), then you need to mentally remove yourself from their abuse. You do this by realizing their hurtful words or actions have nothing to do with you and what they say to you mirrors how they feel about themselves. And you can use the grey rock method.
The thing I am trying to say is, you can choose to be a victim. Or you can rise above your ego and choose peace.
Yes, I know you cannot choose to walk away from certain types of trauma. I am not talking about those things. But other things, like racism and other negative behaviors from bullies (or just the chaos of the world), you can choose to not participate in. You can find your peace away from it all, even if you never step foot in a different direction (though I will say that not allowing bullies to have physical access to you, including phone calls, is best).
My mantra in life is "Let Them". Let them be a bully. Let them be jerks. You don't have to participate in it. You don't have to allow them access to you. Walk away. Or just change the way you see their behavior. If everyone in the world did this? Racism would end. Because who would be left to listen to it anymore if everyone just stopped listening? Bullies only spread their hatred because it gives them attention. It makes them feel good to hurt other people. So, if you stop letting them hurt you, they have no platform and will have nothing left to say.
"But Jae, that's idealistic. That's easier said than done."
Nope. It's not. It's as simple as changing your mind in this moment. Right here. Right now. Refuse to let the words of others hurt you. See their words as reflections of their own inner issues and they have nothing to do with you. You are just the target for their pain. You are not even the intended target. They are. They just want you to know that they hate themselves. And the meaner they are to you? The more self-hatred they have. So, be like a kid in the 80's and say "I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." And know that it's true.
In the meantime, find your peace within your own heart by staying mindful and knowing your worth. You can do this by learning the basics of Buddhism (you do not have to be a Buddhist in order to use Buddhist ideas) and the basics of the Toltec path. You also do this by finding your own inner peace through meditation and realizing what really matters in your life. Is it your stuff? Is it being right? Or could it just be a feeling of peace? And the people that you love and love you back? The greatest gift you can give your loved ones in your own inner peace. When you are at home, living your days in peace, you become happier, which makes you a better parent, spouse, and friend. Remove all unnecessary chaos from your life and get down to the basics. This could mean purging your house of excess clutter. Or removing distractions (though don't remove other people's items). Or it could mean repainting or redecorating to something that fits you better. There are so many things you can do to create a space and a life (both inner and outer) that's conducive to peace.
Just remember as within, so without. And let this be your life's mantra.
Here are some great books to help you get started and do learn how to change the way you think about what other people say and do:
The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
Good Citzens by Thich Nhat Hanh
(Just so you know, if you feel that you've lost a job, or didn't get a job, or something else at a workplace happens due to racist actions towards you, you should get a lawyer and fight it or to go HR...turning the other cheek is not always the right thing to do, esp. when your livelihood is involved. My husband's coworker was being held back from promotions due to their racist boss--and my husband pointed this out to their boss and his coworker ended up being promoted as a result, because the boss did not want anyone to go to HR about it. It was still bullshit and the boss should have gotten in trouble, but at least the coworker has a better paying job now. So, that's something. I guess.)
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