Grab your journal and something to drink and I want you to think about what kind of ideas you have about being a wife. What does it even mean to be a wife in today's world? And who told you those things? We've all grown up with beliefs about marriage and how we're supposed to act in one, and I want you to sit down and really think if those ideas and/or beliefs still hold true today. Ask yourself:
* What words do you associate with being a wife?
* What messages were you given, directly or indirectly, about what it means to be a good wife?
* A good wife always…
* A good wife never…
* How do you want to or need to push back against these narrow stories?
* Who is your role model for being a wife? Why? Does that individual embody a subversive or an obedient version of being a wife?
These questions were posed a post on Facebook and I thought they were a perfect conversation opener for couples. If you're married to a man, ask him the same questions, as he should be exploring what he thinks what it means to be married to a wife (if you're married to a woman, then she should answer these for herself--but also think how they apply to both you and your wife). You should also then switch and both answer these questions for husbands, too.
Think about all of these different subjects when you answer:
What does it mean to be wife in relation to....
- hunger
- sexuality
- housekeeping
- career
- body shape
- education
- love
- time
- aging
- parenting
Now, I want you to think about all your role models and how each these categories apply to them being a wife and compare your answers to their choices. Are you like them in any of these ways? If not, how do you differ? And why? Why did you choose differently? And how many of these answers for yourself do you want to change?
And what expectations of the categories above are placed on you by your:
- spouse
- kids
- parents
- aunts and uncles
- other extended family
- coworkers
- neighbors
- society as a whole
Are you finding yourself fulfilling these expectations? If not, how? If so, why? What do you think would happen if you didn't fulfill these expectations? And lastly, how can you change the way you fulfill these expectations in a way that makes you feel more seen, heard, and accepted for who you really are?
Something to ponder:
Gender roles are still alive and well in today's day and age, which is why I think we have so much pushback against gender as a whole these days. It makes sense. We rebel against the norm when the norm has become unbearable. I think the world is trying to not only change the way we see gender roles, but obliterate them all together and to start over from scratch. This is represented in The Tower card of the tarot.
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| The Dark Mansion Tarot |
The Tower represents sudden upheaval, destruction, and revelation. It is the card of radical change, shocking truths, and the breaking down of illusions. This is the moment when the foundations you believed to be stable crumble, forcing you to see reality for what it is. Though the destruction may be painful, it is necessary—clearing away falsehoods and outdated structures so that something new and more authentic can emerge.
- The Lightning Bolt: A divine force of truth, striking down what is built on unstable ground.
- The Falling Figures: The ego and false beliefs being stripped away in a moment of reckoning.
- The Flames: Purification and transformation—what no longer serves must be burned away.
- The Crumbling Tower: Structures of belief, relationships, or situations that can no longer stand must fall.
Some keywords are: Sudden change, shocking events, chaos, a revelation, awakening, destruction leading to transformation, resistance to change, avoiding disaster, narrowly escaping upheaval, denial of truth.
While the Tower may seem like a harsh and unsettling card, it is ultimately one of liberation. What falls was never truly stable to begin with, and through the chaos, there is an opportunity for rebirth and clarity. It is the storm that clears the sky, making way for a new dawn. Which is exactly what's going on right now in the world. Whenever the pendulum has swung too far to one side, then it always brings it back to an equal and opposite swing on the other side. This eventually stabilizes us to a new center.
Now, the Tower crumbles. A lightning strike—sudden, shocking, and absolute—has struck at the heart of gender roles, toppling them with force. This is not the first tremor. The pendulum once swung violently in favor of rigid roles, confining both men and women in narrow spaces. But now, as it swings to the opposite extreme, it does so with the force of revolution. The old expectations of what a wife should be are not simply shifting; they are being obliterated, reduced to rubble to ensure they do not return. In their place, a new paradigm emerges—so that we can create our own definitions of what the roles of wives and husbands are. Ones that support us and nurture us and allows us to not only be equals, but also to be whatever we like. We can create new roles for ourselves that are not based on old traditions, but on ever an evolving future where wives and husbands can assume any role they like without needing to follow the rigid structures of the past.
How do you feel about this? Do you yearn for change so you can become whatever you like? Or do you feel more comfortable holding onto the gender roles of the past? Or maybe you're somewhere in between?
Journal about all of this in your journal and see what you come up with. By the end, you should have a pretty clear idea of what you feel your role is, and what it should be, as a wife (and hopefully your partner will have done it too, so you can both talk about it).
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